Feedback

pitch Feedback 

• cut out someone typing 
• need hook, red , catch 
• need world building moment, and three separate acts 
• need a resolution in mid-like potential savior 
• look at gamer movie-use it for plot arc
• mad skirmish to begin
• look more like a TV show 
• have the opening as the video game ,so you don't see the killer - don't see the real world until the end, or not even revealing the hacker
• make the battle more like a game-like tea bagging, or a character walking into a wall or using npcs to convey that the battle is within a game
• need action sequence to start 
• someone gets hurt in battle but actually hurts the player in real life, not revealing so much in the opening sequence 
• some players when they get shot don't actually get hurt, but our MC gets a nosebleed: "shit how did this happen" ect
• reveal hacker at the end 
• needs more ambiguity - more mystery, more like an opening 
• 3v3 battle 
• friends playing a game together friends not reacting to getting shot " like wait for me to heal" 
• One friend "Ow that actually hurts, Jesus". show in the game him taking off something from his face , cut to real life, blood pouring out of the MC
• show one character get killed, and then respond and take back weapon from old body
• sequence, going from cover to cover, until bomb goes off. One friend gets up and keeps going, realizes other guy other guy is not there , goes to him, very hurt ect, cant speak/winded , coughing up blood and then VR comes off .
• last 10 seconds is the VR coming off 
• body gag, eg players messing with old bodies, taking back old weapons 
• GET RID OF HACKER 
• make sure that intro is ONLY  ACT ONE,and not 1+3+3